Translated by: Tinker
T/N: A very sorrowful chapter…get your tissues ready! T..T
Eunuch Liu was already very old. In two years, he would be resigning from the palace’s duties to recuperate.
He dozed off as he guarded outside the hall. As soon as he narrowed his eyes, he heard the sound of anger coming from inside. The emperor’s voice was a little hoarse. Eunuch Liu felt that his voice revealed despair.
A big fire last night burned the princess’s house cleanly.
There was nothing left.
The emperor was in his prime, but there was not much life in his eyes. On the contrary, he looked as if he was tired of the world. He was not in good health and was ill for half a year.
Sometimes, eunuch Liu thought that the emperor was very pitiful. He was lonely and didn’t even smile for all the years he was with him. It seemed that there was nothing worthy that could attach him to this world.
But whenever eunuch Liu had this idea, he felt that he was crazy. The emperor was the noblest person in the world. What could he not get? It was funny, he was a eunuch who dared to sympathize with the emperor.
It was late at night, and the snow that had formed and gathered on the ground two days ago turned into water. The cold air came in and hurt his knee.
When the door of the temple was opened, eunuch Shangshu came back from the hall with a sad face and sighed.
Eunuch Liu said, “The road is slippery. You must be careful when you go back to your house.”
“Thank you for reminding me.”
Eunuch Liu asked in a low voice, “How is the emperor?”
Upon hearing this, eunuch Shangshu’s face was even more ugly, and his brows tightened. “It’s not so good. You should be careful when you go in to serve.”
“Naturally, I will.”
“Why did the princess’s hall burn up? It’s strange.” eunuch Shangshu couldn’t help complaining.
Eunuch Liu also felt it was strange. He nodded and said, “Yes, I haven’t seen such a strange thing in my life for so many years.”
Since there were guards stationed outside the princess hall, people couldn’t enter.
The fire was even more raging. It was too strange. It didn’t wait for people to put it out, and so, the whole princess’ hall was burned, leaving only the ashes.
Eunuch Liu had been serving the emperor for more than ten years. He had not seen the emperor so sad for a long time. The emperor was cold-blooded and heartless and it seemed that he would never be sad in his lifetime.
But yesterday, when he saw the emperor’s grievous eyes, it distressed him.
Eunuch Liu had known for a long time that the princess who died early had a different place in the emperor’s heart. Sometimes when the emperor was asleep, eunuch Liu could hear him calling the name of the little princess in his dream.
If he wanted to live in the palace, he had to learn to keep his mouth shut.
Eunuch Liu never said this to anyone else.
The emperor didn’t have any intention to accept a concubine. Even the empress dowager, who was devoted to Buddhism, began to be anxious. She convinced the emperor several times but had no way to change him.
Only then did the empress dowager send someone to invite eunuch Liu over, inquiring secretly and wanting to know something from him. But eunuch Liu never mentioned the things he knew to the empress dowager.
Eunuch Liu squinted his eyes and sighed heavily as he looked at the distant figure of eunuch Shangshu.
***
He wanted to forget the little princess.
The sweet memory of the past had become a source of pain in his heart. The past that he dreamed of every night dream seemed to gouge his heart like a knife that had ripped it to pieces.
He couldn’t make a sound of pain.
He didn’t even have something from her to mourn over. The calligraphy and every possession she had was burned to ashes.
God didn’t leave anything for him.
He felt that this seemed to be god’s punishment for him. He got the kingdom he wished, but he was no better than a corpse.
He had no wife, no son, and lived a lonely life.
Now the past that he shared with her had been completely burned by a fire.
He had been driven mad and exhausted by all means to collect all the masters in this world, just to get the next life with her.
The emperor dreamed again.
But in the dream, it was not the years when he married her. It seemed to be a strange dynasty.
He saw the domineering little princess and that she despised his other-self. He saw that they got married unwillingly and saw him kill her.
He knelt on the ground, his eyes seemed to be dripping blood, sobbing, “No, no, no…”
There seemed to be an ethereal voice in the distance. The man asked him, “Do you want to have an afterlife with her?”
He nodded.
“Even if you’ll kill her?”
“I will. “
He wants her. He won’t kill her.
“Even if she never falls in love with you?”
The man said obstinately, “Yes.”
The voice seemed to smile. “Remember, after three generations, you will never meet again. You will only live with all your memories, even if it is, are you willing?”
The man chuckled in a low voice. His voice was hoarse. “I’m willing.”
He had to taste all the pain in the world over and over.
The emperor was heartless. He had acted every vicious means alone. He should taste all the mistakes made by his ruthless self before himself.
The emperor woke up, opened his eyes, and was still lying in his bedroom.
Eunuch Liu went into the palace and reported, “Prince Anding and his princess daughter have asked to see you.”
Prince Anding was his elder brother, and he only came to the capital to meet the saint every year before the new year’s Eve.
“Let them wait in the side hall.”
The emperor changed his clothes and went to the side hall to meet prince Anding’s family.
Prince Anding brought his daughter into the palace for the first time. The five-year-old girl was held in the arms of his father. Her face was round and fleshy, and her features were beautiful.
He watched the little girl in the arms of prince Anding for a while, but his heart felt empty. He smiled for an unprecedented time, fearing he would scare the little girl. He squatted down and asked, “How old are you?”
He remembered that at that time when she was still alive, she wanted a child very much. If he didn’t use means for her not to conceive, their children would have been so lovely.
The little girl seemed to be a little afraid of him. She shrank into her father’s arms, hid her face, struck, and did not dare to speak.
Prince Anding answered this question on behalf of her daughter, “My daughter is five years old.”
The emperor looked at her and said, “This child fits my eyes. She can stay in the palace in the future.”
Prince Anding naturally did not want to, this was their beloved little daughter. How could they be willing to leave her in the palace? But since the emperor had spoken, the prince didn’t discuss it with him.
The little girl in his arms understood what the adults were saying and cried out loud.
Prince Anding was heartbroken by his daughter’s crying. He summoned up his courage to look at the emperor and said slowly, “My daughter is naughty. If she stays in the palace, she may cause trouble, or…”
Before he finished speaking, he was interrupted by the emperor.
“If she does something wrong, I will not punish her.”
Prince Anding also saw that his younger brother was determined to keep his daughter.
The emperor didn’t know what he was going to do. After the little girl was left in the palace, he sent many maids to serve her, but he didn’t come to see her.
He knew that what he was doing was meaningless.
He didn’t know when his death, which he had longed so much, would come. It would probably be a long time.
When the emperor had free time, he would always stand on the wall and look into the distance. Eunuch Liu stood behind him, often not knowing what he was looking at.
What was he looking at?
The emperor just wanted to see how he killed her with his own hands. Standing on the tower, she could be seen from below very clearly.
That day, the little princess desperately looked at him. Watching her beloved husband take the arrow without hesitation and killed her.
The emperor opened his mouth and chuckled twice. Looking at the boundless night, the emperor suddenly asked eunuch Liu standing behind him, “Can you shoot arrows?”
Eunuch Liu replied, “I am not skilled and can’t shoot arrows.”
As a eunuch, he had no other ability except to read people’s behavior.
He couldn’t do archery.
The emperor seemed disappointed and sighed, “What a pity.”
He wanted to let eunuch Liu stand under the tower and kill him with an arrow.
Eunuch Liu didn’t understand what the emperor planned to do.
At night, the wind was strong and it made the weather cold.
The emperor turned around and said, “Let’s go.”
Eunuch Liu followed him. For a moment, he felt that the emperor wanted to jump from above. He was shocked by his absurd idea.
The emperor was ill again after he spent hours outside at night. He slept for a long time, but he never dreamed again. His mind was blank.
When he woke up, his eyes were at a loss and he tightened the sheets under his body. His clean and handsome face could be described as ferocious.
Seeing that he looked pale, eunuch Liu went up to him and asked, “What’s the matter, your highness? Should I call the imperial physician to have a look?”
The emperor shook his head. “No need.”
He still didn’t dream after sleeping again at night.
The past that was once firmly imprinted in his mind was gone. The sweet smile of the little princess that haunted him every time gradually faded away.
Even though he tried hard to remember those few sweet times, he couldn’t do it.
Those memories were like flowing water. They were suddenly gone.
His memory of her that was slowly fading scared him.
He only remembered those times when he deceived her and killed her with his hands.
He had to think over and over again how he had decisively killed the one he loved.
Killing her requires punishment.
He striked little princess’s heart with his own hands, and now his own heart was being dug out by himself.
He tasted it every day.
Those painful memories made the emperor lose weight quickly.
The palace was often filled with the smell of medicine. The emperor who once had excellent facial features laid on the emperor’s bed with a weak breath.
Even during his serious illness, the picture of killing her flashed through his mind repeatedly.
Eunuch Liu heard the whimper deep in the emperor’s throat. Thinking that he was too ill, he was about to call the imperial physician.
He unintentionally swept the water droplets that fell from the corner of the emperor’s eyes.
Eunuch Liu thought the emperor was in sorrow.
He didn’t know what the emperor dreamed of to make him miserable.
Eunuch Liu heard the emperor’s weak voice in bed.
The emperor’s throat felt heavy as he whispered, “I want to die.”
“I want to die.”
