T/N: Just a heads up, this chapter is quite long! Was thinking of splitting this chapter, but decided not to. Lmao. Happy reading~

Translated by: Tinker

Song Luan’s face was pale and her lips were trembling. It seemed as if there was a basin of cold water pouring directly from her head. Her heart felt like it was constantly falling. Her knee was shaking uncontrollably, “You say…what?”

Zhao Nanyu used a little strength to pinch her chin. He glanced at her lightly. His eyes were cold. “I killed him. Are you distressed?”

Zhao Nanyu couldn’t tolerate Song Luan’s concern for other men.

He remembered that she liked that boy named Huai Jin very much. She redeemed the man from slavery, bought him a yard, and raised him for several years. In the past, he felt nothing, but now he couldn’t tolerate it at all.

As long as he thought of Song Luan’s smile, and her closeness to that man, his heart was like being bitten by ants. He would feel pain for long periods of time.

Song Luan’s ears were buzzing. Zhao Nanyu’s words were like a heavy blow. It hit her head straight. She couldn’t breathe. Her throat was hoarse and her eyes were red. “You killed him?!”

She raised her face, and her red eyes wide open as it stared at his face.

She couldn’t calm down and asked him in a low voice, “What are you doing by killing him?! How can you?!”

Song Luan’s words were not clear. She was trembling while trying to open her mouth, “Do you know…do you know that it was him who saved me? Is your heart so cruel? Why?”

She was about to cry.

After transmigrating, Song Luan actually regarded herself as an outsider. She regarded everyone as characters in the book–just virtual people, but gradually, these people left a mark on her heart.

Zhao Nanyu gently wiped the water from the corners of her eyes with his thumb, “You haven’t answered me. Do you love him?”

Song Luan couldn’t stop sneering, “Yes.”

And she gave him a provocative look. “Yes, I love him. What do you want to do then? Do you want to kill me too? You…”

Haven’t you already thought of killing me since before?

Zhao Nanyu then asked, “Since he saved you, why did you lie to me?”

Song Luan’s fear of Zhao Nanyu was natural.

She always had nightmares these days.

In her dream, the sky seems to be stained with bright red blood. Zhao Nanyu stood on the high wall, coldly watching the corpses below him. He held a sharp sword in his hand, and his white clothes were stained with blood. His flawless face was also splashed with blood.

He had no expression, no waves in his eyes, and his dark pupils were like a pool of stagnant water, gazing at the world in a gloomy and silent way.

He was the male lead of this world. He had the biggest golden finger given by God.

He was cruel.

He was violent.

He always had the upper hand, and no one could stand against him.

Song Luan in the dream looked at him quietly, and a familiar feel came from the inside of her body. That kind of feeling was like being spilled with sulfuric acid. It was corroding her body gradually. She could even hear the sound of her kidney being eroded.

Song Luan felt pain every time she dreamed of it.

She stood not far away from Zhao Nanyu. She stretched out her hand and wanted to ask him for help. But when she looked carefully, she found that the sword in the man’s hand had already penetrated her heart.

“You’re angry.” Song Luan said with a pale and weak expression.

Song Luan shook her eyes. She staggered, and just barely used the table for support until she could stand still.

She even pulled off her wrist. Her whole body was cold.

Zhao Nanyu touched her face. “I didn’t kill him. I just lied to you.”

Song Luan’s back was sweating as he said those few words.

Huai Jin didn’t die.

Her legs became softer, and she fell helplessly into his arms. Song Luan looked at the man holding her with complicated eyes.

When she closed her eyes, Song Luan could still remember Zhao Nanyu blocking the whip for her that day.

Sometimes, when she felt that she was about to fall in love with him, Zhao Nanyu’s actions would always dissuade her.

The net that he had casted in the sky made her breathless.

***

Song Luan was angry.

She was timid, but she also had a temper.

She found that she and Zhao Nanyu didn’t always quarrel. He seldom loses control. Every word he said and every expression he did was just right.

Even if Song Luan was angry with him, she couldn’t hurt his vital point. It was like punching a cotton.

Song Luan felt that instead of making a scene with him, she might as well behave as if she didn’t care about anything.

And these days coincided with the change of the current situation in the court.

Zhao Nanyu was busy every day. There was once that he didn’t come back for three consecutive days.

As for this, Song Luan didn’t even ask.

Every day, she only read books and played with her gold and silver jewelry.

Occasionally, she would cook a meal for little Zhao. She was very comfortable.

Zhao Nanyu stayed in the palace all this time. His cold facial features fell deep into the darkness. His expression was hard to distinguish.

He asked the people behind him in a cold voice, “Did she ask anything about me?”

His subordinates lowered their heads and didn’t dare to look at him. They said, “She never asked.”

Zhao Nanyu tightened his jaw, his outline was cold and hard, “Didn’t she ask even a single word?”

“None.”

The cold wind burst and the first snow fell down slowly.

The aura around Zhao Nanyu suddenly felt a little cold. It seemed that Song Luan had a good life at home alone, and it never mattered whether he was away or not.

The subordinates raised their eyes and opened their mouths.

The man suddenly cooled down. He gritted his teeth as he said, “Roll.”

He was in a bad mood, and the subordnates were afraid to say more. They left at a high speed.

Zhao Nanyu still stayed in the palace even after several days later. He hadn’t returned, nor did he let anyone deliver a message to Song Luan.

Song Luan did not show any dissatisfaction, but third lady Zhao had something to say.

Third lady Zhao truly felt that Song Luan had repented, and she hoped that these two people would live a good life. They shouldn’t quarrel. This cold war would not only hurt her feelings, but this would not help them in the future.

Between husband and wife, there can never be two people who are brave, one must always be soft.

Her husband, Zhao Sanye, was a jerk three years ago. But now, he changed since they were harmonizing together. She coaxed him. Men and women need to pay attention with unifying their yin and yang–both soft and hard.

Third lady Zhao didn’t favor Zhao Nanyu. He was her stepson, so matter how good he was, they wouldn’t get close.

And Song Luan was a person who could easily be heard from gossips and rumors. Everyone said that she didn’t have any heart at all. This time, even if the people knew about their cold war, they didn’t care much about them at all.

***

When Zhao Nanyu was away from home, little Zhao lived in the same room as Song Luan. And like his father, his hands and feet were cold. In this winter, Song Luan had to cover him.

Every day, Song Luan wrapped him like a dumpling. She was afraid that he would start sneezing.

She also learned how to sew a cloak, so she bought a white fox fur to make it.

Song Luan’s agenda these days was to make little Zhao even beautiful. 

It snowed for several days in the capital. The floor was covered with white snow, and a thick layer of sunlight shone towards it. The snow soon turned into a glittering water beads as it dripped down.

Little Zhao had less homework these days. He only need to practice two words a day, and he was often found in the residence of Song Luan. 

The child’s words were still as few as ever. His answers were always concise and clear. But whenever Song Luan pampered him, he would have that embarrassed look in his face.

After being together for so long, Song Luan discovered that little Zhao only looked cold, he was in fact, very clingy. Whatever Song Luan was doing, he would watch and stare at her.

Today, Song Luan made a big snowman with little Zhao in the snow. Although both of their hands were freezing, they were happy.

Little Zhao’s fingers were red, so she brought him back to the residence. She warmed a soup for him, and covered him with clothes. She cleaned his hands as she asked him while smiling, “Isn’t it cold?”

He shook his head. “It’s not cold.”

He then handed her the soup to share, and said, “Here, mother.”

“You are so filial!”

He blushed and lowered his head.

Song Luan held his hands in front of the fire for a while. After he was warmed up, she dared to ask him, “I think you’ve been depressed for the last two days.”

Song Luan thought that little Zhao had been depressed because of his heavy school work, but then realized that not only was Zhao Nanyu not at home, but Zhao Chao also rarely came to teach little Zhao.

Zhao Chao was not young, so his mother was desperate trying to to get him to find a marriage candidate.

Song Luan heard that the matchmaker introduced Zhao Chao to a well-matched and intelligent girl. If it was successful, it would be not long before they could drink Zhao Chao’s wedding wine.

In the book, Zhao Chao was deeply rooted towards the female lead. But now that the female lead didn’t appear in the capital, she was not sure if he would fall in love with other girls. Zhao Chao was, after all, a figure who was determined.

Song Luan also heard that the girls who met with Zhao Chao for several days had failed. His mother hadn’t let him go these days, and it looked like he was going to have to get married this year.

As a result, Zhao Chao didn’t have much time to teach little Zhao.

Little Zhao, with his head down, said with low and muffled voice, “Mother, I think of my father.”

Little Zhao, who was clingy, hadn’t seen his father for ten days. He was not used to it.

Song Luan’s fingertips stiffened, and she smiled, “Your father is busy in the palace. You’ll see him in a few days.”

However, she didn’t ask about his whereabouts, nor did Zhao Nanyu send someone to her. Song Luan wouldn’t take the initiative to send him a message. The one who would surrender first was definitely not her.

Her love that accumulated for a few days towards Zhao Nanyu had easily vanished.

Little Zhao hugged her waist, burying his face. His voice sounded aggrieved, “I…I…I…”

He was confused.

Song Luan touched his head, and whispered, “I know you miss him. Wait for him to come back, okay?”

Little Zhao closed his lips. He looked up, then asked her, “Can you take me to palace to see father?”

Visit the palace? It was not impossible.

But Song Luan also knew that Zhao Nanyu was probably busy fighting for power during this time. It was not easy to be an imperial censor.

At this time where the emperor can change, if there were any carelessness, it would result to a disaster.

Before that, the sixth prince knelt in the Wenhua hall for many days, which moved the emperor. The old emperor first issued an edict praising his filial piety, and then released the queen from the cold palace.

Zhao Nanyu was busy cleaning up the remnants of the queen in the Qing palace. Anyone could see that the emperor wouldn’t live long, but the imperial edict of establishing the crown prince hadn’t been issued yet.

Song Luan sighed. She didn’t want to see Zhao Nanyu, so she said, “Silly child, how can the palace be so easy to enter? We’ll just wait at home.”

He was depressed and lost.

Song Luan’s heart softened. She looked down at him and said, “You can write so many words now, so you can write a letter to your father. “

Little Zhao didn’t say anything, Song Luan knew that he was sad in his heart, but she still insisted that they shouldn’t go to the palace.

It was in the afternoon that little Zhao was lying on the bed beside her. She took off his coat and covered him with a quilt and held him.

Little Zhao said, “Mother, I’ll write to my father in the evening.”

Song Luan was secretly relieved. Fortunately, he didn’t continue to say that he wanted to enter the palace.

She closed her eyes and thought in silence that maybe after this winter, the capital would change.

Zhao Nanyu was about to embark on his path as a powerful minister. There were less than three months left before the original owner was poisoned to death in the book.

Song Luan didn’t feel discomfort in her body recently. She just felt pain whenever she dreamed. The pain was like having all the organs eroded.

It really didn’t feel like a dream.

Zhao Nanyu’s poison to the original owner was very tricky, and the poison was also chronic. It devoured the body’s life year by year.

It was written in the book that the original owner would live in pain every day, and all the organs in her body seems to be stirred by a knife. The pain made her speechless, but he couldn’t die for a long while even if she wanted to.

This kind of poison would torture her to death.

Song Luan was in-between awake and asleep, she would…not be suffering from this kind of torture, Zhao Nanyu had been merciful to her.

When Zhao Nanyu gets the power, she could escape.

The mother and the son slept until the early evening.

The room was warm. Incense sticks were lit in the censer, and the light fragrance drifted from it.

Song Luan put on her embroidered shoes and dress. She called the maidservant in. Although she lowered her hands and feet, the little noise still woke up her son who was sleeping on the bed.

He rubbed his eyes. He looked cute and adorable.

He called out to her mother, and then stretched out his hand, “Hug.”

Song Luan whimpered three times in her heart because of her son’s lovely appearance. She put on clothes for him and carried him up.

The servant girls swarmed in and began to prepare their meals.

Song Luan held him in her arms. She went to the desk, placed the little kid on the chair, and said, “Write to your father. I’m afraid he couldn’t wait to receive your letter.”

Little Zhao nodded obediently. He took the pen in a proper posture.

Naturally, Song Luan would not read what he had written. When little Zhao was writing a letter, she went outside the yard to fold some plum flowers and put them into a vase, which made it very beautiful. The fragrance of the plum blossom was pleasant.

Little Zhao wrote the letter quickly, put it in the envelope, and handed it to her, “Mom, I’ve finished it.”

“So fast?”

“Yes.”

Once upon a time, when Zhao Nanyu went out, his brother-in-law would write to him, but his words were not too many and he would not say sweet words. When will he come back?

Whenever Zhao Nanyu traveled outside, little Zhao would always write him a letter. The words were not too many. He would not say sweet words. The content in the letter was always the question ‘when would father come back?’

Song Luan put his letter away with a smile, and planned to wait until tomorrow to let the servant deliver to the palace.

There was another heavy snow on new year’s day.

News came out the palace that the emperor fell ill again, and several young princes visited the palace.

Song Luan almost thought Zhao Nanyu was going to spend the Spring Festival in the palace. She guessed that he did not want to see her.

But on the afternoon of the lunar new year, Zhao Nanyu rode back from the palace to Zhao’s residence. The gatekeepers were surprised.

Zhao Nanyu, with a cold face, had just crossed the gate. The people around him respectfully came up to him and said, “Young master, please come inside.”

He had not been home for many days, so he should go to see his grandparents first.

Zhao Nanyu had a trace of impatience. He clenched his fingers and put away his murderous breath. He spit out two words coldly, “I know.”

The situation in capital was tense, and old man Zhao had something to tell him so he called him over.

Most of the men in the Zhao’s family was in the room. The elder brother who was not in the capital had also returned.

The old man said to them earnestly, “You must be careful with your words and deeds these days. Remember not to stand in line at will. It is always the right way to protect yourself. Don’t let any of you fall into this murky water, or this will affect the whole family.”

Since ancient times, the dispute of seizing the emperor position had been bloody. It would involve countless deaths and injuries.

All the descendants nodded and said yes.

The old man cast a special glance at the absent-minded Zhao Nanyu and said, “Ah Yu, do you hear me?”

Zhao Nanyu lowered his eyes and said, “Yes.”

“That’s good.”

From the courtyard of old man Zhao, Zhao Nanyu went straight to Song Luan’s residence. Through a door, Zhao Nanyu could hear her laughter.

The house was full of lights. He didn’t know what she had said to little Zhao. but she fell on the bed laughing.

Zhao Nanyu pushed the door open with both hands, and the cold wind came in with the snow.

He stood by the door, his figure was tall and imposing. He had cold features. His dark eyes was unfathomable as the deep pool.

Zhao Nanyu stared at Song Luan who fell on the bed laughing. The burning charcoal made the room warm. She only wore a light pink dress. Her collar was slightly open, her collarbone was half exposed, and her mouth was slightly open. It seems that she was a little surprised.

Zhao Nanyu had to say that Song Luan’s ignorant and beautiful appearance really made him want to ravage her.