Translated by: Tinker
Song Luan admired herself that she could asked him calmly, “Why?”
Zhao Nanyu hugged her tightly as he clenched his teeth. He explained to her very slowly, “I asked the doctor. You are not in good health.”
Song Luan couldn’t breathe. Her face was as white as paper. She wanted to break free from his arms. However, the man’s strength was so strong that she was trapped in his arms. “Is that why?”
She didn’t believe it very much. It was true that she was weak, and was suffering from many diseases. But these days, she had been taking the medicine well. She was not like that time when she fainted because of chest tightness.
“We won’t keep the baby. I can’t risk your life.”
Song Luan’s red eyes blinked as she stared at him, “I am not so vulnerable, I will not have any accidents.”
She raised her face and tried not to let the crystal clear tears fall from her eyes, and said, “It’s always you who are making decisions. This time it’s my turn to make my own decisions.”
Zhao Nanyu guessed that she would not compromise easily, so he gritted his teeth and continued, “You are obedient.”
He reached out his finger and wiped the water from the corner of her eyes. “It’s enough that we are both still alive.”
Song Luan’s nose and throat were sour that she couldn’t speak. The hot tears rolled down one by one, and they couldn’t stop. “Why don’t you listen? Yeah!? Why is it up to you to decide everything, and everything is up to you?”
This child was only a little old in her stomach. How could she have the heart to give this baby up because of his words or the doctor’s words?
She lifted her sleeve, wiped her tears, and sobbed. “I will take good medicine, and take good care of myself. I promise you that there will be no problems with me and the baby.”
Zhao Nanyu’s eyes were flushed. While holding her, he said slowly, “We still have little Zhao. I can’t risk losing your life.”
After thinking about it, Zhao Nanyu touched her cheek and said slowly, “It’s okay if I can’t have more children, but I can’t bear to lose you.”
Song Luan pulled the corners of her mouth and sarcastically laughed.
She nodded silently, and tried again to smile at him, but it was uglier and came across as sardonic.
She asked, “If I don’t get better all my life, will I never have children again? If I accidentally get pregnant again, it will still be the same situation again. Every time I get pregnant, I have to run away?”
Zhao Nanyu shook his hand and hugged her tightly, as if he never wanted to let go. His heart was in pain. His throat ached and his brain swelled. “I don’t like children very much. Little Zhao is enough for us.”
One child is enough.
From now on, he would never think about having a daughter.
Nothing in this world was more important than her life.
Song Luan’s heart was as gray as death, and her expression was numbed as she was encircled in his arms. Her eyes were blank and she looked empty at the distance sky. Her eyes could not shed tears.
Suddenly she remembered that this body was poisoned. Although she knew all the details, she had asked Zhao Nanyu who had poisoned her before.
There was no antidote for the poison in her body. These days, Zhao Nanyu said that she liked her, but he didn’t show any intention of giving her the antidote.
Song Luan touched her stomach and laughed bitterly. It’s not long since she yknew her unborn child. She gradually accepted, and even expected the child’s arrival, but she will soon be unable to keep her.
Song Luan closed her eyes, and she was still very sad. She was also learning how to take care of her children these days.
She wondered whether this baby was a boy or a girl. She wanted to prepare a lot of beautiful clothes for her baby. She wanted to make this baby look beautiful in the future.
But this dream, was personally crushed by Zhao Nanyu.
Song Luan’s heart suddenly filled with an inexplicable hatred. If Zhao Nanyu hadn’t poisoned her, her body wouldn’t have fallen into such a state, and her child wouldn’t be implicated.
Before that, she had thought that she would stay by his side in the future, even if they were not deeply in love, because they already had two children.
Life needs to run her out and destroy her happiness.
For a long time, she thought she and Zhao Nanyu could get along well.
But now she suddenly did not think so. If Zhao Nanyu insisted on banishing the child, she wouldn’t even have the room to resist, since her hands couldn’t even bind a chicken.
In the past, Song Luan, an outsider, didn’t empathize with the characters in the book, and didn’t even understand this original owner’s behavior. She felt hypocrital. And when she became the person in the book, she found that everything was so helpless.
This matter regarding her child would become a thorn in her heart, which could never be pulled out. It would be inserted into her heart quietly, and would forever hurt her.
She would need no reason to hate Zhao Nanyu, because just seeing other people’s children would make her remember that they once had this baby.
Song Luan opened her eyes and said, “Zhao Nanyu, are you sure you won’t regret it?”
“I won’t.”
Song Luan gave a weak smile and said twice, “That’s good, that’s good.”
As expected, he was a man who treats his own flesh and blood with the same ruthlessness.
***
In the evening, abortion medicine had been decocted in the kitchen, and a bowl of it was carried into her room by the maidservant.
Zhao Nanyu took the bowl and put it on the table. He didn’t sleep all day. The blood in his eyes became more and more serious. He kept silent and looked at the woman sitting on the bed.
Song Luan wore a thin tunic. She was holding her legs as she shrinked in the corner of the wall. At that time, she was so tired that she actually went to sleep.
Song Luan’s sleeping was very strange.
She didn’t know that she had been talking in her sleep, and her words were endless and incomprehensible.
Song Luan hugged herself, and felt cold all over her body. Her eyes were swollen, and she looked pitiful.
Zhao Nanyu took the medicine and went to the bedside. His face was so pale. The soup in his hand was still steaming hot. He opened his lips and whispered, “Take the medicine.”
After a long time, Song Luan raised her face and looked at him with grape-like black eyes. Her white wrist stretched out from the quilt with trembling fingers.
Zhao Nanyu sighed softly and sat down beside her, “I’ll feed you”
Song Luan swallowed a lump on her throat, her shoulder subconsciously hid, and she pitifully whispered, “Can I not drink?”
Zhao Nanyu said, “Don’t be afraid. I’ll be with you.”
Of course, he must taste the bitter fruit he planted himself.
Song Luan tried to avoid when the medicine was fed to her mouth. She lowered her face and put her hand on her abdomen. “I’ll drink it in two days. I want to stay with this baby more.”
It was just a slip of tongue, so she couldn’t drink the bowl of medicine.
Zhao Nanyu couldn’t dare to be cruel to her, so he didn’t force her too hard. He put the medicine back on the table and said, “Okay.”
He added, “Are you hungry?”
Song Luan didn’t eat much at noon, so she should be hungry now.
She shook her head and said bitterly, “Do you think I can eat it now?”
Zhao Nanyu sighed, “If you have no appetite, you still have to eat. What should you do if you are hungry?”
Song Luan snorted and didn’t want to talk to him.
Zhao Nanyu was not annoyed. He told the maidservants to bring in the dinner. Song Luan didn’t even look at it. But after a while, she realized that it was her own baby who was starving.
She picked up her chopsticks and ate two mouthfuls of rice, though she still didn’t eat much.
Zhao Nanyu seemed to have no appetite. His chopsticks stopped at the same time she stopped.
[After dinner]
Song Luan didn’t want to pay more attention to him, so he disappeared from her eyes.
Not long after he left, Song Luan got out of bed slowly. Her legs were weak. She moved to the dresser step by step, and took out the locked box with some strength.
There were all her valuable jewelry, mostly gold ornaments, with some cash.
The box was very heavy. She twisted her eyebrows and thought for a moment.
She picked some from a pile of golden jewelry. It looked like it was very valuable, since it was wrapped in a rag.
Recalling the picture of Zhao Nanyu delivering medicine to her just now, Song Luan’s chest became stuffy, and felt suffocated.
She didn’t give up, nor did she believe that there was no medicine.
She thought there would always be a way.
She just wanted to escape from this place now.
These gold and silver jewelry could be converted with a lot of money. With money, she could find a doctor by herself.
Song Luan still remembered that the original owner had a lot of valuable jewelry in Huai Jin’s small yard. She could go to Huai Jin, change the money, and run away.
As for Zhao Nanyu, he would have no time to take care of her during this period of time. After the new year, the emperor would be very ill.
The ruler of the capital would change. Sixth prince ascended the throne, and as his confidant, Zhao Nanyu would be busy at that time. He would have no energy and time to find her.
She could understand Zhao Nanyu’s perspective.
The man in the original book was a paranoid psychopath in the later period. He took care of the female lead who he liked as his own property. He prepared everything by himself, and the woman never even got hurt.
Therefore, Zhao Nanyu wanted to control her life and death. He wouldn’t let her take little risks, or let her suffer in childbirth. It was completely in line with his personal settings.
Song Luan understood him, but she couldn’t help but blame him.
She couldn’t change the mind of a twisted person, so the only way was to run away.
She wanted to stay away from Zhao Nanyu.
